Trust in the Lord

Trying to figure out what you're supposed to do for the rest of your life is super nerve wracking and quite frankly, pretty stressful. I think we all struggle with figuring out what we're supposed to major in, or where we'll live someday, but I think the biggest struggle is deciding if you are going to live the single, married, or religious life.

I mean, I can't speak for everyone, but this has been the biggest worry throughout my life. 

I've gone through stages when I was younger where I was convinced I was going to be a nun because of my name (Sister Mary Kathryn...sounds great, right?). But in my heart, the idea of becoming a religious sister wasn't all that pleasing. Something I knew I wanted was to get married and become a wife and mother. I pushed the idea of religious life out of my brain, and tried to replace it with things like obsessing over boys, marriage, kids, romance, and anything besides religious life.

This was a huge struggle for me throughout the years and I definitely became a hopeless romantic. For being a girl who has never dated or been in a relationship before, I was horribly obsessed with the idea of love. So much in fact, that I laughed at the idea of religious life and became super impatient for my time to have a boyfriend. Because of the extent of this, the problem followed me through college.

I always got my hopes up when I thought something was going to happen, then obviously was less than ecstatic when it failed. I would walk into rooms or public places in search of a possible relationship. Let me tell you, after many years of this habit (which sadly, became a normal thing), it had become super exhausting. 

Last year, I brought this struggle of mine up to a friend and asked for guidance. She told me that ultimately, we want whatever Christ wants for us. If Christ desires something for our lives, we should desire that too. And if we long for something that God doesn't want for us, it's up to us to ask him to remove that desire from our hearts. Another friend told me how beautiful it is to fall in love with Jesus' heart, and once you've achieved that, you'll be able see the world in different ways you haven't been able to before.

So this summer, I was really working on both of these things. Everyday, I would pray for God to help take those empty desires off of my heart and replace them with the love for his own heart. I struggled, like anybody else, but day by day, it got better and better.

Now only a month into my sophomore year, I can honestly say, I have fallen completely and so incredibly in love with Jesus Christ.

I think what really pushed me to get there was his presence at the Eucharist at mass. Knowing that Jesus is literally right in front of my eyes every single Sunday and also knowing that he gave up his entire life for me and my heart, overwhelms me with such a joy I can't entirely explain. 

Although I am very open to religious life, I do feel at this point in my life that God is calling me to marriage. But I'm definitely okay with waiting and continuing to live out my life as a disciple until he thinks the time is right. Until that day, I'll keep praying for my husband, working towards my own faith life, and always keeping the love I have for Christ at the top of my to-do list. 

So if there is anything I want you to take away from this blog, it's this: Fall in love with Jesus and his plan for your life. What he may be calling you to do might not be what you want right now, but if you keep your heart open to his desires, you're going to be so happy with that decision in the end. Trust God in all that you do, and you'll truly live out the happiest, Christ-driven life you could ever imagine. 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6